Gingers have a tough time, but it’s not all that bad.
Ranga, Ginger-pubes, Ginger-minger, Carrot, Rhiangutan (a personal fave), tampon-head…the list of insults that I have been subjected to over the years is never-ending.
Life’s always been a struggle for the ginger people and there’s even the odd case of serious abuse today. Still, things have got a little better since the 15th century when I would have been burnt at the stake for being a witch or hunted down for my pale skin, which was believed to be a trait of the vampire.
Sometimes it feels as though the witch hunt is far from over, but instead of trying to disguise my fiery head in a shade of blonde or brunette, I deal with my Ginger ‘disease’ by embracing it. You can beat the bullies if you stay ginger and proud.
Gingers are still tormented, but it’s not as bad as it used to be. Here’s why:
I don’t have to bleach my upper lip
I may not have glossy, perfect tumbling brunette locks but at least I don’t have a ‘tache.
We’re a rare breed
The gingers are dying out. It’s true. Only 4% of the world’s population are redheaded and I am proud to be part of this exclusive group. In the near future my people will probably become extinct, so if you think about it I am as legendary as the DoDo or a dinosaur.
My friends can always spot me from afar
My glowing white skin and my bright hair make me impossible to miss- I am instantly recognisable. There’s no awkwardness with the person waving at you in the distance, it is definitely me.
The health benefits
Amongst other insults thrown my way, I’ve also acquired the name ‘Shade-Gremlin’ because I tend to avoid the sun. I don’t tan, because I can’t. I have to wear factor 50+ even in England, but I don’t care because I have a smaller chance of getting skin cancer. Every cloud…
Ginger people do actually unite together. If I walk past a fellow ginger, I either think to myself “that person is also ginger”, or I give them a nod in ginger solidarity. We acknowledge one another with silent approval and understanding.
We’re harder to knock out
It has been scientifically proven that gingers need more anaesthetic than blondes or brunettes. In an article on the BBC, Doctor Edwin Liem said: “Since red hair can be traced to particular mutations in the melanocortin 1 receptor, we now have the opportunity to evaluate central nervous system pathways that may influence or mediate anaesthetic requirement.”
Aside from suggesting all ginger people are mutants, this means we are super strong. So don’t mess, yeah?
The guys on Tinder bloody love it
There’s always going to be someone out there who ‘has a thing for redheads’. Whether this attention is wanted or not is another matter, but it’s still flattering nonetheless. Unless your name is Casper…
Playing dress up is easy
Don’t have a fancy dress costume? No biggie. Just grab a stripy tie, make a cape out of a bin liner and you’re a Weasley. If you’re feeling really creative you can fashion a wand out of a stick. (See below).
Fake tan is NOT your friend
You might be tempted to turn to fake tan after years of torment over your pasty complexion, but the sooner you accept your ghostly white appearance the easier your life will become. Unless you want this to happen:
We rarely get spots
If nothing else convinces you, gingers usually have a flawless complexion with not a zit in sight.
Ginger role models
Florence Welch, Ginger Spice, the Weasleys, Ann Robinson, Lindsay Lohan (think of the Parent Trap and the Mean Girls days), Lily Cole, Axl Rose, David Bowie, Prince Harry. The list goes on. Like them or not, they’re all more influential and more powerful than you.
I mean, would you wanna mess with the Celtic warrior Queen Boudicca? I think not.
My overall message to my fellow gingers is to hang on in there and embrace your ginger genes. To all the non-gingers out there, stop asking me what colour my pubic hair is.